Surgery Monday

Well last doctor's visit to my OB/GYN, we decided that in order to really know why I'm not getting pregnant we need to take a look inside. So we are doing just that this coming Monday (the 12th). I'm going in for a laproscopy/hysteroscopy. My doctor thinks that maybe I'm having problems from the peritonitis infection from my wheeler accident. The infection could have created lesions on various organs in my abdomen/pelivic region. If that's the case then it could be preventing my ovaries from releasing eggs. And while she's in there she's going to make sure all is well with everything else too. I have mixed feelings on what I hope the results are. On one hand if everything is normal then that's good news that nothing is wrong, but then it also means we have no answers....still; on the other hand if we find something wrong then that is not necessarily good news, but at least we know what that problem is and maybe we can work on fixing it or bypassing it.

As for non-drama stuff: we are going to Willard Lake on Thursday to go boating with some friends. That should be fun as long as I don't get too motion sick. I will try to remember my camera and take some fun pictures to post on here afterwards. Then next weekend is the Allen family reunion (Cade's mom's side). That is always an adventure :) Things are rarely even close to boring with that part of our family. Hopefully I'll be mostly recovered from my surgery by then so I can have fun with them all.

Washington DC

Last week we went to DC as chaperones with Cade's dad's FFA group for their Washington Leadership Conference. We had to actually be chaperones a couple of times, but mostly we just got to tour when and where we wanted and then meet up with the advisors group to eat the meals they paid for. It worked out really nice for us. We spent 8 days touring so we were able to see so much and yet there was still so much left to see. Rather than just telling you about it all I will just post a bunch of pictures to show you what we saw. Keep in mind I ended up with about 500 pictures so these are just a select few of them. For a few more you can check out my Facebook.

Arlington National Cemetary. Robert E. Lee's house in the background and the Eternal Flame burning and JFK's memorial/burial site.

Riding a ferry boat from Mt. Vernon to Old Town Alexandria.

Meeting Congressman Chaffetz.

The view from our hotel room balcony on the 11th floor.

One of the modern-day Masonic lodges

Spring Semester.....

is officially over! Yay! I only took two classes (four credits each) but they totally kicked my butt. Physiology was super fun and I loved it. I had a great teacher who is an ER physician at the hospital so he was able to share fun real life experiences during our lectures which made things so much more interesting. Anatomy on the other hand completely just sucked. I hate just flat memorizing things and I've never been super great at doing that either. The teacher for that class has some ego trip I think to see how many of his students he can trick on questions on the tests. He loves to ask the minute detail-type questions. Ugh! I'm already registered to take it again this summer.....don't want to by any means but I really want to get at least a B in that class and it sure didn't happen this semester.

Good things about this semester though included making a great new friend. Adrianna was in both my classes and we got to be good friends by the end of the semester. She's going into nursing too and we're taking another class together this fall. I'm pretty shy when it comes to meeting new people so I had a goal to make a new friend and I did. This semester went by surprisely fast though. I've learned so much at my job in the ICU and I still love working there. It was great to study a bit at work because I could see what I was studying in action. Like when we were studying the urinary system there happened to be several renal failure patients in the ICU so I could ask questions about the patients and watch their lab results and put it all together. Works out nicely.

Cade and I have still been trying to have a baby. In that aspect it's been a stressful semester. We've tried IUIs (intra-uterine insemenation) twice and just keep hoping that something eventually works. Some days get really frustrating and I don't handle it all very well, but other days seem better and I remind myself to keep hoping and praying. Cade is so supportive and understanding. Each time I have an emotional breakdown (there have been a few believe me) he just holds me and wipes away my tears and finds silly cute ways to cheer me up somehow. I'm not sure how he can make me laugh at moments when I feel so down, but he almost always manages it. I'm so grateful for him and all that he does for me.

Time for Change

So since we moved in to the trailer ct 3 years ago, we've been told that it would be closing down in July 2011. Then on this past Wednesday, we get a letter informing us that they will be shutting down large sections of it asap (meaning no later than this August). We just happen to be in one of those sections so we have to be out be August 1st. Luckily it's a great time of year to look for apartments so finding some to look at wasn't too hard. So we are selling our trailer to a guy who wants to open up his own trailer park in Cache Valley somewhere. But since there is now a plethera of trailers for sale, the price he's willing to pay for them has gone down immensely. Oh well, at least we get something out of it I guess. Plus the University is paying us $1000 for the hassle of us having to move out unexpectedly.

So we looked at a few different places that sounded appealing and narrowed it down to two as of yesterday. We had our first choice but the other was a very close second so we had decided that we'd only take the second if the first was rented to someone else. Then this morning we got a call from our first choice saying that he'd like us to come look at the lease agreement and he has told the other couple of people looking at it that it will probably be rented to us. So we take the deposit to him sometime this week and it's ours. It's right below campus and has two city bus stops about a half block away and both of them go to campus. 2 bedrooms and an office, 1 bath, includes washer/dryer and all major appliances. We have our own driveway and our own shed to use for storage. There's a big park across the street. The landlord seems like a really nice guy (he loves to BS a lot). I'm excited for it, but not really excited to have to pack up all the crap we've collected over the last few years. Could be a good change though and I am getting excited to experience a new place.

5 Things I learned in 2009

True love is when you can still love your crazy wife when she's crazy on hormone pills and sobs for no apparent reason. I'm so glad Cade can put up with me and all my mood swings.

Life never happens the way you plan it. So for us control freaks, we just have to learn to control the only thing we really can: our attitude.

Even when you have your hopes shatter over and over again, it's still better to keep hoping than to have no hope at all.

You don't need a lot of money to have a fabulous date night with the one you love. $1 movies from Red Box and a Digiorno pizza make a great date night in.

The best thing in my life is getting to spend everyday with my best friend and love of my life. Cade is the greatest thing that's ever happened to me. I don't know what I would ever do without him.

Maybe some Hope.....finally

So I hope I'm not getting my hopes up too high now just to have them crushed once again, but for the first time I a very long time I feel happy again. I feel like maybe I have some control now and maybe things will actually work out. We're still having problems getting pregnant and it is still a depressing topic around our house, but I actually feel a bit more hopeful than before. For those who don't know, I finished my third month on Clomid last month. The doctor told me we'd try three months on the lowest dosage of it and if I didn't ovulate they'd increase the dosage. But I did ovulate each month and responded very easily to it. So I went back to the doctor this past Thursday.
Since I responded so well to the Clomid she says she definately wouldn't recommend just increasing the dose because that's probably not our biggest problem now. So she said the next step is artificial insemenation. I'll go back on the Clomid next month and do a home ovulation predictor kit. The day I have a postive test I'll call them and make an appointment for the next day to do the AI. But before the appointment was over I asked her if my perforated bowels and the bowel repair surgery could be affecting my ability to get pregnant. She said the surgery and perforated bowels themselves wouldn't, but if I had infection in my abdomen (which I had very much of) then that could have caused my fallopian tubes to become blocked.
So on Friday I went in to have that checked. That was a joyous appointment, let me tell you. The radiologist was male so that makes it all the more awkward. I was exposed from the waist down. They put my knees up on stirrups and he opened me up with a vaginal speculum (like they use for pap smears). Then he inserted a catheter through my cervix into my uterus (major cramping caused). Next he injected contrast into my uterus (even more major cramping) and began taking a series of pictures to watch the contrast dye. Turns out my tubes are open, but he said that sometimes if there is a small blockage injecting the dye will open them up. Many times just doing this test increases fertility rates so maybe that did the trick. I guess we'll just have to wait and see.
This is by far the biggest challenge of my life. It has been so emotional and scary and depressing. But I've been so lucky to have the wonderful husband that I do. He's been nothing but supportive and understanding. We are both just hoping for the best now and getting very anxious for next month.

I Swear...

that when you want something so badly and can't have it you notice how many other people do get it. As most of you probably know, Cade and I have been trying for a baby for quite a while now and it's been really hard for me. After I miscarried last summer, I've been really emotional when it comes to talking about pregnancies. I don't cry anymore when I see someone pregnant or hear that they are, but it's still hard for me. I want to feel excited for other people when I found out they are having a baby but most of the time I just feel complete jealousy instead. It seems incredible to me how many people around me and in my family are pregnant right now. I really am happy for all those people, but still jealous.

In fact today at the beginning of my shift ALL three of the female nurses working in the ICU are pregnant. And our manager walked in and made the comment "this must be the pregnant shift" and I sat there and thought "ya everyone except me." We are really hoping that it will happen soon for us. My doctor started me on some fertility pills this past month and I'll go in for a progesterone blood test later this week. I just keep praying for patience and strength to keep having hope and not getting too frustrated and sad. And for all of you who are lucky enough to be having a baby, congratulations and make sure you savor every moment that comes.